In a shocking case that makes you ask “was it really worth it,” a lawyer in Ohio has been given a two-years suspension from the practice of law after a sexual act with a client was caught on camera in the courthouse. After a hearing in her family law proceeding, the lawyer and his client went into a conference room where they sat down next to each other. He covered his lap with his jacket and the file. And she proceeded to give him an over-the-pants rub-and-tug for eight full minutes.
I have so many questions. Didn’t her arm get tired? Eight minutes of over-the-pants action would have to produce some chafing, wouldn’t it? Didn’t he know he was on camera? Is that billed at a point-two? And was it worth it for a handjob that didn’t have a happy ending? Instead it had a really, really bad one.
It’s just generally understood as a lawyer that you do not enter into a sexual relationship with a client. Particularly where the lawyer-client relationship is ongoing. There is a huge power imbalance in those situations, and clients can feel pressured to do things they would not otherwise do. It can also cloud your judgment as a lawyer, which can then impede your ability to adequately represent the client. Generally, it is all around bad news. Just ask this Ohio lawyer, but don’t call him for any legal advice until his suspension is up.
Don’t Be This Guy
Here’s a confession: one time I bought a boat at an auction. Like an idiot. But when I sent someone to go pick up the boat, it was not quite as lovely as the photograph on the auction site made it seem. And it also did not have a trailer. So I abandoned the boat. I was never sure what became of it, until I saw this story in the news.
I’m not saying that’s my ex-boat. It’s not. But I do kind of get it. This man didn’t have a boat trailer either, so he improvised. He built a makeshift boat trailer with wooden pallets, duct tape, a set of wheels, and sheer idiocy. And despite the fact that it did not have its own set of brakes, the boat owner took it out on the road anyway. While he gets points for ingenuity, he also gets a whole bunch of points on his driving record.
The man, once stopped by police, was ticketed for a number of Motor Vehicle Act and Motor Vehicle Act Regulations offences, including axle violations, insecure load tickets. The total value of these fines: $2071. Much more expensive than a boat trailer.
If I can’t find a cannibal to top that cannibal, why, I’ll eat my nose. Or some other woman’s nose, a la Jessica Collins of Texas. Ms. Collins, a guest at the victim’s apartment, was invited back after a night of partying with the victim’s roommate. After asking for more alcohol and cigarettes, Ms. Collins was instead asked to leave. She allegedly responded by attacking the homeowner, throwing her to the floor, grabbing her hair, and…
BITING OFF HER NOSE.
Click the link, though. The mug shot has some fascinating blood smears on Ms. Collins’ face, which itself bears a pretty interesting expression. A GoFundMe campaign for the victim alleges Ms. Collins as mentally unstable. I know I get pretty hangry from time to time, but this certainly takes the cake.