Follow the link to read on and find out about the weirdest legal cases I could stomach this week.
As regular readers of this series have come to discover, Florida is an endless provider of weird and wacky legal stories. And each time I post a Florida-related story, I think to myself that Florida cannot possibly outdo itself. Well, folks, it has. It has in a very big way. But this time I think I have to be right about this being the cream of the crop.
A man in Florida has been arrested for a host of offences after a bizarre attack. He came home to find his cousin having intercourse with his brother on the man’s favourite Dragonball Z blankets. To stop the incest and defiling of his favourite blanket, the man responded as any reasonable Floridian would: he bit off his brother’s penis.
His cousin described the attack as savage; the man told police that he regrets nothing, as this way he has ensured it will never happen again. I suppose that may be true, but at what cost?
Since we just celebrated Christmas yesterday, I thought I would provide a little festive story for your entertainment. This one involves a man who foolishly called the police on himself, after becoming stuck in a chimney. Now, calling 911 after being stuck in a chimney seems like a logical idea. And it is, but not if you are in the process of using that chimney as your entry point into a building you intend to burglarize.
Of course, this wasn’t the story the ill-fated man told the police. Rather, he said that he was on top of the Pharmacy not to rob it of its drugs but instead to take photographs, when he accidentally fell into the chimney. Oh, and he forgot his camera. But he did remember to bring a balaclava and a backpack, which he left on the roof of the building next to the chimney.
Talk about making a bad situation worse. If you’re going to lie to cover up your very obvious failed attempt at a crime, you’d think the man would come up with something a little more believable.
In Christmas tradition, many households across the land leave out cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve. However, I suspect several households in Illinois thought twice about leaving a plate of Oreos for Santa Claus this year.
Ten members of Byron High School’s football team were recently suspended after placing Oreo cookies between their butt cheeks, stripping completely naked, and running across the field with the Oreos firmly held in place. No explanation has been provided for just why the gentlemen felt that this was necessary to do, but police and school administrators conducted a thorough investigation, complete with interrogation and several viewings of security footage of the incident, to determine that it was completely voluntary.
Men, amirite?
In any event, the inexplicable actions of the team resulted in a finding of guilt for the administrative offence of indecent exposure. They were spared criminal charges, but letters were sent to their parents which is probably worse. And they were all suspended for three games.
